Red Demon (Revised Edition)

Well, I realized that my short story Red Demon was full of typos and the paragraphing really needed to be improved. The density of adjectives and the general flow also needed to be improved.

I uploaded an improved verision to Storiesville.com.

I hope that you enjoy this latest edit:

http://www.storiesville.com/content/view/2626/65/

As before, my advice is to print and read at a relaxed pace in two sessions. The reason is that the story is quiet descriptive and slow and sensory

A Short Story by Me!

Ok, this is my first attempt at a proper short story that was not for academic purposes. It may not be too good. It's roughly in the sci-fi genre and is somewhat inspired by the cyberpunk genre in some of its themes. It is called Red Demon. Please criticize brutally:

http://crowcaw.blogspot.com/2008/02/red-demon.html